Naseeruddin Shah and Ratna Pathak Shah are widely hailed as one of Hindi cinema’s most enduring couples, known for their honesty, mutual respect and enduring partnership. However, before the two got married in 1982, Naseeruddin experienced a tumultuous first marriage with Purveen Murad, also known as Manara Sikri, the sister of the late actor Surekha Sikri. The couple have a daughter, Heeba, and in his autobiography And Then One Day, the veteran actor candidly reflects on that chapter of his life, admitting that he was an emotionally immature husband and a distant father in his early twenties.The story begins in the late 1960s when 19-year-old Naseeruddin Shah studied at Aligarh Muslim University and developed a deep love for theatre. While her family disapproved of her acting ambitions, Purveen, then a 34-year-old medical intern at the university, became her staunchest supporter. Inspired by a man who believes in his dreams, Naseer falls in love despite their 15-year age gap, and the two eventually marry.The marriage, however, faced opposition from both families. Naseer’s relatives objected because Purveen was a divorcee and a mother of two, while her family worried that the younger actor would eventually leave the relationship. In an effort to reassure them, Naseer even agrees to pay alimony if the marriage ends in divorce, not knowing that their relationship will soon begin to deteriorate.A year after their wedding, the couple welcomed their daughter, Heeba. Instead of strengthening their bond, parenthood exposed the cracks in their marriage. Looking back in his memoir, Naseer takes full responsibility for his shortcomings. He wrote, “During her pregnancy, Purveen became depressed, and my complete misunderstanding of the miracle happening inside her and complete oblivion of what was expected of me did not help. Many serious arguments, of which I always got the worst, were the result.”Reflecting on his younger self, the actor admitted that he lacked the emotional maturity to support his wife during pregnancy.“I was unable to contribute in any way to making him feel good about himself. I found that the sex bar was also not easy to handle. My attentions began to wander and began to zero in on R, a good-looking second-year student who, as a prostitute in the NSD production of The Threepenny Opera, had earlier caught my fancy.”By the time Purveen entered the last months of her pregnancy, Naseer had enrolled at the National School of Drama, where his ambitions increasingly occupied his attention.“For my part, if no one knows the responsibilities involved, the trouble part of the whole deal, and then the indescribable joy it brings, I have no time to spare for the life I am helping to bring into the world; only my own satisfaction comes first, nothing else matters,” he wrote.The actor also acknowledged how far he was from everything his wife was experiencing at the time.“I sometimes steal some roses from the university garden and take them to Purveen in my cycle basket. That pleases her, but apart from that I play the part of the obnoxious teenager to perfection. The role of the father is beyond my ken.”Even though her father-in-law scolded her and gradually helped her with household chores, including washing dishes, she admits that her emotional distance only increased.“I slowly began to resent this child that came between me and the only woman who gave me any attention; and when the child finally came, the neglect I showed still embarrasses me so much these decades later.”Just four days after Heeba was born, Naseer returned to NSD to avoid losing part of his scholarship for missing classes. While the birth of his daughter briefly improved his relationship with his father, it did little to mend his marriage.“Heeba’s arrival actually caused Baba and I to become civil to each other for a while, but now the gulf with Purveen has widened. His whole life now revolves around Heeba and he and I have little to say to each other.In retrospect, the actor says that his character can be explained by his immaturity, although it is not justified.“My indifference to Heeba can only be explained, even if not condoned, by the fact that I myself was once an insecure, poorly adjusted twenty-one-year-old child who did not fully understand what it takes to raise a newborn, and I completely shirked my share of duties while idiotically trying at the same time to claim my rights as a husband.”When communication with Purveen was cut off, the marriage continued to crumble.“The only way to deal with a wife, in the world according to the Shahs, is strength and authority. Not knowing that I too was incapable, I retreated into an angry shell. It hurt to know that I was no longer the most important thing in Purveen’s life.”He also admitted that he struggled to form any emotional bond with his daughter over the years.“I have no idea what kind of light I will see if I say that for a long time I did not feel anything for the child Heeba, but I must confess it. He never thought; it’s almost as if he doesn’t exist.”By this time, Naseer had met Ratna Pathak through theatre. The two eventually fell in love but had to wait until 1982 to get married as his divorce from Purveen was still pending. According to the actor, the settlement of the agreed terms of separation took several years. In his memoir, he referred to Ratna as the “only love” of his life.Their relationship, too, faced opposition in its early days. Speaking to The Lallantop, Ratna recalled that both families were skeptical, mostly because acting was seen as an unstable profession.“So, this is the problem, and on top of it, he is an actor. Before, Naseer would always hear, ‘How can a man with such a face become an actor?’ Even if you are an amazing actor, survival in this profession is never guaranteed. It’s a hard life.”